You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize