Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
