I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
