That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
