I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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