for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
