I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
