Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
