Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
