He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize