just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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