He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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