He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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