i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had to coat check the pizza.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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