You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
