the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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