For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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