he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize