in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
