I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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