my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
