moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
