he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
FUCK WHALES
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