I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
