8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
