he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
