Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i think my cat just said my name.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
