Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
