You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
