i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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