I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
