i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
