I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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