I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize