It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize