i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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