i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
