You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
