So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
