Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
