theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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