if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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