The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
