i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We left the knife in your bed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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