I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
