i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
