Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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