I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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