I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
