his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
