Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
