And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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