this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
