In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
