she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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