Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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