she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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