is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Still dying that you shit outside
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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