Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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