May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
