She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
