She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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