She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
