Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
