i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
