Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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