I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
