Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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