I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize