If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
