I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
