you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize