I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
