I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
