I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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