what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
