four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
